Overweight Spouse. The Reason for Divorce.
Divorce rates are on the rise these days. There are many reasons why couples decide to part ways. Incompatibility, cheating spouses, financial differences, and infertility are some of those reasons why husband and wife part ways. But many couples nowadays cite seemingly ridiculous grounds for a divorce. One such reason (which we will discuss at length here) is the problem of having an overweight spouse!
This may seem absurd to those who are into a blissful marriage. But the fact is that an increasing number of people today have moved away from their spouses because their spouses are grossly out of shape. But then, is it morally justifiable?
It may not be morally justifiable, but a marriage is not just a blend of hearts and minds. Physical beauty of their partner is a really important consideration for most people, even though they might not admit it. Human inclination towards physical beauty is the basis of most sexual relationships.
For a marriage to click, it is important that the husband and wife have a happy sexual life. A satisfying physical relationship can bring a couple really close for life. But because physical fitness is of utmost importance for sexual performance, being overweight can be a great problem. If your spouse is going out of shape, you may feel that this is definitely not the person you married!
It is not hatred. It is definitely not loathing. But you cannot prevent yourself from feeling repulsed at the sight of your obese spouse. Repulsion inspires detachment, detachment causes differences and differences drive the final nail in the coffin of your marriage – divorce!
It is natural if you do not crave for physical proximity with your spouse when the mere sight of your spouse reminds you of King Kong! It is also natural for you to feel guilty about your own repulsions. But what is important is how you save your marriage. You cannot behave as an escapist in the first place. If you love your better half, this is the time to express it. Make your spouse feel loved, wanted and important, instead of filing for a divorce.
But at the same time, don’t let your feeling pile up inside you. Express your feelings without hurting your spouse by choosing your words and actions carefully. You can talk about the various health hazards associated with obesity and urge your partner to lose weight. Talking about how obesity is coming in the way of romance, may be counterproductive.
Evince urgency in your quest to convince your spouse. Once your spouse has acknowledged the desperate need to shed weight, have them join the gym, maintain a low-calorie diet, do fitness yoga etc. Visit the gym with your spouse whenever possible. Buy workout DVDs and magazines for your spouse. If your partner has sacrificed gorging on certain foods, you should also give such foods a miss, as a show of support.
Do all that you can, to display your interest and care. There should be a sense of involvement on either side since marriage is a symbiotic relationship. Be patient, loving and inspiring. This will surely get your spouse back to normal shape, and you back to your spouse. And remember, divorce should not even cross your mind once!
I think is a good article..I am in the same situation with my wife and I am a fitness trainer! which makes it especially hard..The weight has driven a wedge between us and I feel so guilty about feeling this way..I have tried every imaginable type of encouragement spoken and unspoken, all to no avail…
Seeing her nude or semi-nude repels me from her..I can not get sexually excited about her..so what do I do?
Daryl I am in the same boat.. All you can really do is back off, and get into shape yourself… if you push the issue at all it will backfire. Women think their man will love them no matter what. This is naive and selfish… If the married a man.. and he quit his job and played xbox all day instead of paying the bills.. he would be out of their in a heartbeat.
I am really struggling with this issue. I feel exactly like the article describes. When we married I made it clear that fitness was important to me. I work hard to keep in shape and I can’t understand why he can’t? He tells me I am selfish and vain because I want him to look better. I am concerned about his health. He yo yo diets fluctuating between 50-80lbs overweight. When we married 9 years ago he was 185—now easily he is 260+—the biggest he has ever been. He told me he lost his wedding ring—which I know it is because it didn’t fit any longer—and he bought a new one.
If i try to help him…tell him I will do any diet he wants with him or workout with him…..he gets mad. I just have to keep my mouth shut.
I just don’t know what to do? So hard to watch him eat large meals at 9pm, fast food for lunch, not working out, now wearing his sleep mask……………he isn’t even 40 yet……feel like I am married to a 65+ year old man. So sad, frustrated………..no options but treats of divorce???