Mental Care Facts & Health Tips

Divorce rates are on the rise these days. There are many reasons why couples decide to part ways. Incompatibility, cheating spouses, financial differences, and infertility are some of those reasons why husband and wife part ways. But many couples nowadays cite seemingly ridiculous grounds for a divorce. One such reason (which we will discuss at length here) is the problem of having an overweight spouse!

This may seem absurd to those who are into a blissful marriage. But the fact is that an increasing number of people today have moved away from their spouses because their spouses are grossly out of shape. But then, is it morally justifiable?

It may not be morally justifiable, but a marriage is not just a blend of hearts and minds. Physical beauty of their partner is a really important consideration for most people, even though they might not admit it. Human inclination towards physical beauty is the basis of most sexual relationships.

For a marriage to click, it is important that the husband and wife have a happy sexual life. A satisfying physical relationship can bring a couple really close for life. But because physical fitness is of utmost importance for sexual performance, being overweight can be a great problem. If your spouse is going out of shape, you may feel that this is definitely not the person you married!

It is not hatred. It is definitely not loathing. But you cannot prevent yourself from feeling repulsed at the sight of your obese spouse. Repulsion inspires detachment, detachment causes differences and differences drive the final nail in the coffin of your marriage – divorce!

It is natural if you do not crave for physical proximity with your spouse when the mere sight of your spouse reminds you of King Kong! It is also natural for you to feel guilty about your own repulsions. But what is important is how you save your marriage. You cannot behave as an escapist in the first place. If you love your better half, this is the time to express it. Make your spouse feel loved, wanted and important, instead of filing for a divorce.

But at the same time, don’t let your feeling pile up inside you. Express your feelings without hurting your spouse by choosing your words and actions carefully. You can talk about the various health hazards associated with obesity and urge your partner to lose weight. Talking about how obesity is coming in the way of romance, may be counterproductive.

Evince urgency in your quest to convince your spouse. Once your spouse has acknowledged the desperate need to shed weight, have them join the gym, maintain a low-calorie diet, do fitness yoga etc. Visit the gym with your spouse whenever possible. Buy workout DVDs and magazines for your spouse. If your partner has sacrificed gorging on certain foods, you should also give such foods a miss, as a show of support.

Do all that you can, to display your interest and care. There should be a sense of involvement on either side since marriage is a symbiotic relationship. Be patient, loving and inspiring. This will surely get your spouse back to normal shape, and you back to your spouse. And remember, divorce should not even cross your mind once!

It is great when a couple can decide at the same time that they are ready to have children. For some folks it just isn’t that easy. Many times women find themselves ready to have children while their spouses aren’t quite prepared for the challenge. Here’s some advice for those of you who may be in this situation.

Let’s Wait

If your husband simply isn’t ready for a child at this particular moment there is probably a good reason for his fears. Like it or not women are more emotional thinkers. Men tend to think more rationally especially when it comes to child rearing. It is vitally important to keep communication open in a marriage and this is no different. Sit down with your husband and discuss why he doesn’t want to have a child right now. You might find that he has some pretty good reasons for wanting to wait.

What to Do and What Not to Do

Regardless of what your husband’s reasons are for waiting, he has the right to request that you wait. It is not a good idea to force parenthood on anyone. If your husband isn’t ready for a child then you should never use deceptive practices to try and get pregnant without his knowledge.  Stopping the pill or puncturing your diaphragm might get your pregnant but the results are probably going to be a lot less than desirable if your husband isn’t interested in children. There is no excuse for bringing a child into the world with someone who doesn’t want them. Don’t be so quick to assume that your husband will change his mind when he sees the baby. Even if he does change his mind when the baby arrives, there will always be the fact that your betrayed his trust lingering in the relationship as a dark cloud.

Keeping the Relationship Intact

Being in a relationship with someone who has no desire to have children can be extremely difficult for those who have a great desire to have their own children someday. Ideally this is something that you will discuss before you get married and realize that this person may never change. If you are already in the marriage before you accept or realize that your husband truly doesn’t want to have children it doesn’t have to be the end.

Make sure that your partner knows how important having children is to you. If your husband still does not want to have children then you may have a problem that can’t be rectified. When you come to a situation like this the best thing to do in order to save your marriage is to seek counseling. Hopefully through mediation you can come to a better understanding of each other’s desires.

If counseling still does not help you to come to a conclusion you will have to eventually make a decision between your husband and having a child. This is one of the most difficult decisions that most women will ever make and should not be taken lightly.

It is not fair to force a man to have a child when he doesn’t want one. It is also not fair to stay in a marriage where the partners have such different goals for the future. Having children is a very big decision that you will have many years to come to a conclusion on. Neither the birth of a child nor the end of a marriage should be taken lightly. Make sure you take plenty of time to come to decision before doing either.